One evening at the village dance, the new girl in town shows up and stands around weirdly for a bit. She is determined to get to know people and integrate as quickly as possible so she musters up the courage to approach the handsome guy in the corner and ask him for a dance. Now this requires a fair bit of courage, in this old-fashioned village it seems customary for the dudes to ask the ladies to dance. But she’s bored, and feeling uncomfortable about standing around doing nothing, so she goes for it. She approaches him timidly and says “hey would you like to dance?” She doesn’t know what to expect, she doesn’t know if he likes to dance, or the music, or even her, but she has just enough confidence to see herself as a sufficiently good dancer so she goes for it.
The dude replies “Hmm I dunno, can you first describe your moves to me?”. Hmm not exactly the level of excitement she was hoping for, but she obliges, and describes how she likes to dance. “Hmm could be interesting. Can you show me the moves?” he replies. She thinks to herself, well look if we can just dance you will see, you don’t get an accurate impression about how I dance with other people by looking at me dancing by myself. But she obliges. She is a little embarrassed to be standing in front of the dude dancing by herself, but he asked, and she doesn’t have anything better to do.
Then he shakes his head and says “no that is not how I like it sorry. I would like a sexy dance, something with a bit more visible flesh, and thrusting, something less wholesome, but something that will attract a lot of attention”. She thinks to herself, you know, that is not really how I dance, I have my way, I think it is a good way, and there are enough people doing sexy dances already, but I guess, if that is what he wants… So she tells him “ok, I will try and come up with a sexy dance, it is not really my thing though, but I think I can do it”.
So she goes back to her family over on the other side of the dancing room, and thinks a bit, and can’t really think of any sexy dances, and isn’t particularly interested any more anyway. He didn’t seem that interested in her either. She keeps it in the back of her mind, but eventually starts chatting to some of the other girls and forgets about the dude.
Next minute the dude comes over, with an attitude, yelling to her Father as much as to her, “I asked you for a sexy dance, you promised me one, and you haven’t given me one! What’s up?”.
Basically dudes, if a girl comes up and asks for a dance, just decide. Yes or no. Give her a go, chances are, if she was able to muster up the courage to ask, she probably isn’t that bad a dancer. She at least seems motivated enough to dance with you which is a good sign. If she really does turn out to be a bad dancer, big deal. You don’t have to dance with her again, if it is really bad you might even be able to break it off half way through. But don’t put the poor girl through the wringer. Don’t grill her on whether she meets your standards or not. She was just making a friendly offer! And if you feel like she is not the type of dance you are looking for, if you think she isn’t sexy enough, just say no and dance with one of the many sexier dancers at the dance!
And if you act so disinterested, grill her and demand she acts differently, and she goes away to consider your request, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t come running excitedly back to you. And chasing her up and acting like she promised you something, when she actually offered something that you refused, just makes you look like a dick. And she sure isn’t going to offer anything again! Maybe she was also a good cook, or plays a mean guitar? You will never know.
And ladies, have some self-respect! If the dude can’t make his mind up, if he wants to put you through the wringer, prove yourself, or be something you aren’t or do something you don’t feel comfortable with then screw him! Make the offer, and if he doesn’t accept walk away. And don’t offer him anything again. There are plenty of other dudes who will appreciate you for who you are, and how you dance.
It is just simple trust and respect.